Almost daily diary!

Friday, May 27, 2016

Empty

An era is drawing to an end and there are new beginnings on the horizon for all of us here.

Small Sprog had his last day of school today (apart from outstanding exams) and its feeling strange to think that, after 8 years, we will not go there again.

Tall Girl has been offered work in our new town and is very excited.

I am continuing my counselling course in September after a year off.

In a months time I will be sitting at a different table, in a different garden, things are about to change.

So why do I feel so demotivated today? And lonely? Too much time on my hands, not working, an empty bank holiday weekend- which I have always loathed.

Sunday I think it's time to start packing boxes...

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Five weeks and counting

Tall Girl arrives downstairs looking dazed and confused. She is impatient to move and isn't liking the boredom of her current job which will end when we do move in 5 weeks. It's nearly time to go to work...

"I just read that they've discovered what came first out of the chicken and the egg!"
"Oh, which one is it then?" I enquire, wondering what she's been watching in bed for the last hour or more"
"Umm, I've forgotten now!"
"And I was on the edge of my seat"
She looks puzzled.

Time is moving a bit too slowly and although the house is sold (subject to contract), the removals are booked and the packing boxes delivered, it still seems too early to pack but too near to just carry on as normal. It's a sort of limbo, which we all keep talking about but which seems to be taking ages to end. And there's the thing; it will happen. Five weeks yesterday I will be living in a new house, yet and yet, it still doesn't seem real.

So to keep me occupied and in an attempt to feel I'm at least doing something toward the moving process, I've been decluttering and doing endless runs to the charity shops. It's amazing what you find! Though we've only been here five years theres a fair amount of junk that's mounted up. Some stuff I was keeping 'just in case' and now I am thankful that that time will not come now and that I am safe and secure.

A moment ago I found some old photos, lots of the children at various stages; that always makes me reminisce though I rarely look back these days, the future is too bright. But one photo caught my eye because of the date. It was dated 18th May 2007, thats 9 years ago tomorrow, and it was of me and my ex (who I was still married to) and Small Sprog (pulling a ridiculous face) and Tall Girl (looking beautiful and amazingly grown up for 12). It was the day I graduated. We were all smiling. And as I often muse, who would have thought I'd be here now married to another man and planning another life. Nine years isn't that long is it? Who knows what the next 9 will bring - it's kind of scary. I am grateful beyond belief that the children are still with me. They have changed, grown, dare I say matured(?!)but they are still my children and I love them so.

So here I am, looking at MY house and MY garden, for they're definitely mine and that was the plan, and I feel a slight tinge of sadness at leaving them behind. They were hard fought for and things have been very good here. I shall particularly miss the garden which was just a patch of mud 5 years ago. I have filled it with gifts and cuttings all given by friends and family. When I planted them I thought I would see them mature but I won't now. I talk to them when I'm gardening and they feel like friends, I think I shall miss them more than anything.

But onwards and upwards there is so much to look forward to and be grateful for, particularly the love of my children and Big Al, who lights up my life...

"Did you eat kale before you met me" I asked him during a meal the other day.
"No" he says eating another mouthful "I thought it was somewhere in Australia"!

Happy days!



Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Countdown

We're all hopping up and down with anticipation here. Well, when I say 'all' I really mean Tall Girl and I as Small Sprog can only really muster enthusiasm for web based activities. He's about to start his GCSEs (revision is scant if not non existant despite endless nagging from me), has approximately 4 weeks left at school and doesn't really have a handle on either event. However he's keen to move too; he just can't see himself in the future, and by that I mean the next 24 hours! But Tall Girl and I can and we can't wait! Big Al says he's 'howling'; being married and living apart is definitely no fun.

So in 46 days and 22 hours it will be moving day and we will leave this house and this city, there will be things we miss but the future is very bright.

In our excitement today Tall Girl (it's her day off work) and I are having a calming cup of tea. "What would you like" she says as she puts on the kettle.
"A cup of Tai Chi" I say. At which she crumples with laughter.
"I'm not sure how you get that in a cup" she giggles. Obviously I meant Chai Tea.

Our new front door.